If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
