We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
