the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
