is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
