I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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