I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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