omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
