You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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