My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
