the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
