This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
