She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
