dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
