I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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