u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
