I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
