i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Every concussion has its silver lining
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
