No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
