Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
