Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
