Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery