We're like a lot better than the average bears
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center