I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me