Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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