i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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