New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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