My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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