saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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