Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
