I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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