He had one of those small greek statue penises
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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