why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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