Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
