I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
