"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
