1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize