think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
barbara walters just said penis...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
