Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
