So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
