I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't deserve a penis
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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