Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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