Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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