somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
