i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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