if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
