My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
