I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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