I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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