Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
