I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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