I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
