it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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