her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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