My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
