did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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