so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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