Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
