It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
