Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
