I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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